A letter to Mum

Dear Mum,

An argument I have had with my mum yesterday left me bothered and uneasy the whole day. Although it has always been easy to end an argument with "whatever", how many of us can actually ignored the feelings of your dearest ones and to continue to do what you think is right?

It has never occurred to me that "up to you" has a totally different meaning when it comes to parents. The realisation hit upon me yesterday when an issue I thought I have long resolved came back into the picture again. How many times have we said "up to you" and actually mean it? Apparently, for my parents, they don't take "up to you" as the literal meaning I have taken. Maybe I have known this long ago but just that I chose to ignore it so that I can be at ease with myself to do the things I wanted to do. Maybe I am just too dense to see it. Or maybe I am just bad at communicating my ideas verbally.

I don't know what went wrong in this issue just that I wanted to clear things up a bit in this entry. If our arguments have never ended with "up to you", I will have tried harder to resolve the issue and a compromise can be made. It's not that never listen, I do listen, but sometimes I hope you listen to me as well. I did consider coming back earlier, if not I will not have been in such a dilemma as I am now. If i have dis-regarded your feelings, feelings of uneasiness will never have swept across me and make me lose sleep over this.

I have always been envious of friends able to have long talks with their mum. It's always you have no time for me or I have no time for you. Guess that's how society has make us to be. We have become so narrow-minded in our thinking and lives, that we centered everything around ourselves. I am guilty of that too. Hopefully, with this entry, you seek to understand me better and that I do care about what you think. Maybe next time, instead of being too emotional and ending off conversations with "up to you", I will be able to get a clearer idea of your underlying meaning.

Simply put, my wish has always been for you to be happy and proud of me.

Cheers
Jasmine